The Heart of the Matter
Four Chambers for Authentic Relationships
By Sonia Choquette
now, all of us… all human beings on the planet are being asked to
evolve a more spirited, conscious, direct connection with our authentic
self. We are moving away from a fear-based, idealistic foundation of
relationships and toward a foundation that is grounded in our soul and
guided by our vibes. It’s through this authenticity that we are able to
experience the romance and real, soul-to-soul connection that motivates
and feeds our relationships.
order to be authentic, and have the kind of relationships with others
that we yearn for, we must listen from the four chambers of our heart
which really represents our capacity to be ourselves. By allowing
ourselves to be seen for who we
are, and see others for who they are, we let go of the filters that
damage our relationships. In ridding ourselves of these filters, we can
actually begin to love one another and experience one another purely.
Together we create a relationship experience that is more harmonious
In my book, The Answer is Simple, I
talk about listening from each of the four chambers of the heart. By
practicing this, you’ll be able to see why they need to be involved
when it comes to having the kind of relationship you want. Let’s start
with the upper right chamber:
“Open Heart” or your “Inner Child” is usually the part of your heart
that initiates any relationship. Have you ever looked back on a
relationship and wondered: “How did I get involved with that person?”
It was the child in you who wanted to be with that person; who saw
something fun or wonderful, making you feel enthusiastic and impulsive.
You were excited! It is the part of you that is receptive, eager, open
open are you; not just to another person but to life in general? Have
you gotten disconnected from your inner child? Have you forgotten how
to be open, receptive, excited, curious, eager, fun and available?
open your heart, you have to start listening to and caring for your
inner child, making yourself available to it before you can be
available to others.
Start with allowing yourself to
be heard, comforted, reassured and easily entertained. Relaxing those
stiff boundaries can open a floodgate of play. This is your
responsibility and something I invite you to really consider.
“Clear Heart” is the second chamber on the lower right. This is the
heart of your “inner adult” and the part of you that asks you to be
clear, honest and take responsibility for the quality of your life, and
for the energy you bring to the people you relate to. When this chamber
is unclear, it can spell big problems in relationships. You end up
feeling like a victim asking: “Why did this happen to me? Why did you
do this to me? Why are you acting like this? Why are you so offensive?”
When your Clear Heart is unclear, you end up taking everything
go there sometimes and when I do, my relationships suffer as long as I
stay in that unclear “victim-y” kind of heart. If you are sitting in
that heart, being the victim and not taking responsibility for being
clear and objective, you’re not willing to say: “This is happening.
What do I have to do with it? What choices am I making? What
expectations do I have? What behaviors am I
choosing and doing that are causing me to be unhappy?” Or, “What am I
doing that works?” The Clear Heart is the heart of responsibility. You
really can not have healthy, spirited, uplifting relationships if your heart isn’t clear.
people are people and they do cause pain. And, if your heart is not
clear, you are going to be unavailable to authentic relationships
either happening or improving in your life because you won’t be
empowered by your choices. Start asking yourself: “Where do I need to
get clearer?” in order to either create or improve the quality of
relationships in your life today.
“Wise One” is the upper left chamber of the heart and houses our
ancient spirit and our spirit of compassion, understanding and
forgiveness. If we’re not accessing this chamber, we’re not going to be
able to have the kind of relationship that we long for, one that is
gentle, nurturing and growth-supporting, and yes, loving. If we don’t
have the power to forgive, the compassion to accept one another or the
willingness to understand one another, the relationship isn’t going to
go very far. You can ask yourself: “How forgiving am I? Can I really
see another with compassionate eyes?”
struggle just like you. They may show up with all kinds of crazy
behavior but if we can access our wise heart and remember they are
trying their best, doing what they know with the tools they have at the
moment, we can see past what we don’t like and into the heart of the
authentic spirit buried underneath those crazy-making behaviors.
The “Courageous Heart” is the fourth and final chamber in the lower left. This is the chamber of the heart that really
asks you to get past your discomfort, past your defenses, your
resistance and be a little more available, a little more vulnerable,
authentic and truthful with the people you are in relationships with.
And how do you do that?
can start by acknowledging your mistakes. Own what you’ve done wrong.
Own your upsets. Ask for what you need without creating drama around
the asking. Open up. Have the courage to be available. Take risks and
step out of your comfort zone and relate in a more genuine and
receptive way. In doing this you pave the way for deeper trust to occur
between you and those you love, and that is essential to the kinds of
relationships that touch our soul and spirit and leave us feeling as
though we are genuinely connecting and feeling deeply loved.
week, meditate on each of the chambers and ask your spirit, ask your
inner voice to guide you. “How can I be more open?” Then, write it
down. “How can I be a little clearer?” Tune in. Listen to your spirit.
Write it down. “How can I exercise a little more wisdom, understanding,
compassion, and forgiveness with myself and others?” Ask your higher
self, your spirit, to give you the ability to write down what comes
through. Finally, “Where am I being a coward? Where am I not taking
risks?” Where am I hiding behind my facades and not allowing others in?
Write that down, as well.
start taking action on each of these things, one step at a time. This
is a big lesson so take it in baby steps. Today try being a little more
open, for example. Be playful, and have fun with your beloved or, if
not in a relationship, with friends. You can even have fun alone.
Tomorrow, try being a little less “victim-y” and a bit more responsible
for the role you play in the way your relationships are unfolding.
Don’t play gotcha’ with yourself or others.
Rather explore the question, “ I wonder
how I can take more responsibility in my relationships?” and allow your
spirit to answer. I think you’ll be really impressed at how quickly
relationships of all kinds improve by bringing in all the facets of
your beautiful loving heart into your relationships with others. It
will lift you and others up and you’ll quickly start feeling the love
you are seeking. I promise.
Sonia Choquette is
a spiritual teacher, six-sensory consultant, storyteller, and visionary
guide known for her delightful humor and skill in quickly shifting
people out of difficulty and into flow. She is the author of 19
best-selling books on intuitive awakening, personal growth, creativity,
and transformational leadership, including the New York Times
bestseller “The Answer Is Simple.” Her work has been published in over
37 languages, making her one of the most widely-read experts in her
field. Visit: SoniaChoquette.com